new
old
profile
notes
email
diva
host
new me Monday, Jul. 19, 2004 @ 3:59 pm
I am contemplating calling Dylan today or tomarrow, because what if he is wondering why I'm not calling him? But he also may have forgot that I even exist...But here is what I think: If he doesn't really like me I should be able to tell by the tone in his voice when I call, or if he trys to cut the conversation short. Right? So then I just wouldn't call again. So...I should just call...right? To bad it isn't that easy. I wish I was one of those pretty popular girls who don't have any problems except for what great outfit they are going to wear to that great party on the weekend. They have the super gorgious boyfriend and everything is perfect for them. But I'm not like that. I'm not ugly, I don't think...but I'm not perfect either or even close. I'm not fit and I don't like using the excuse that I am in a wheelchair because that just draws more attention to the fact that I am in a wheelchair. I don't want to look like Britney Spears I just want a flat stomach...but I don't have one and I suppose I will have to live like this. Someday I will find a guy who loves me and I would like for it to be soon. It doesn't have to be forever just a boyfriend. That is all I want. I don't want Matt anymore, I think I am pretty much over him. I still love him but it isn't the same at all. I'm not going to say that it is because I love Dylan, because I don't. I think it was because Dylan treated me nice, he never said anything mean to me...like Matt did. He called me hot and a babe and sexy...he was the first guy that said that to me and I didn't feel all wierded out. He made me realize that I am pretty and I can be hot...and I am actually realizing all this just as I am writing, so...maybe if I feel hot and I have some confidence...guys will like me...I'll try that...